Making the Best of Working at Home with Kids During a Crisis
Weirdly, this is a topic I’ve wanted to write about for some time. Still, as the world turns right now, this topic is suddenly smacking me in the face -- and is in the face of so many other parents as well. We are all dealing with unprecedented hardships and decisions in the midst of the worldwide pandemic, Coronavirus.
We’re staying hopeful in the midst of COVID-19 crisis. 📸by Nate Wyeth Photography.Design.Videography
In the presence of these uncertainties, many parents (myself included) are at a complete loss as to how to make working from home with their children, and their spouse truly work! I’ve seen the following quote several times in the last few weeks, and it definitely rings true:
“You are not working from home; You are at your home during a crisis trying to work.” - Neil Webb
It’s been more than three weeks since my little family unit decided to self-quarantine to help stop the spread of COVID-19. Within that time, it feels like the whole world has been turned on its head. While as an adult, I understand the reason for these drastic measures, my children absolutely do not understand. We're trying to make our kids feel safe (even though we don’t really know if we are safe), stay positive (while everything in our day-to-day has changed), get outside (but don’t go near anyone), continue to do school work, execute on our jobs, and maintain a household that happy and sane -- it's impossible. Like, literally, it is absurd to think any of us can do all of those things. Am I right?!
We’re doing our best, my husband and I, but the fabric of our lives has wholly unraveled. We keep grasping at the thread that is supposed to keep us together and watching it slip through our fingertips with every new ordinance and closure.
Please know that we are fully supportive of social distancing. We know it is what needs to be done to kill this virus, but this knowledge does not make what we have to do manageable.
As I sit here and write these feelings down, emotions that I’ve been ignoring and pushing away so that we can make it through each day, I feel incredibly selfish, because the truth is, we’re the lucky ones. We’re the ones who still have jobs. We’re the ones who CAN work from home, and we DO have a home to be quarantined in without fear of eviction or foreclosure. We’re not lacking in food. We’re good. And, we’re so, so incredibly fortunate.
And even though I know that we are so incredibly lucky to be in the position we’re in, this is not easy. I’m sure if you are a parent reading this post right now, you feel me from the depths of your soul.
This isn’t just hard, it’s effing hard!
This post isn’t meant to be a tutorial on how to have fun in quarantine -- we all know that’s BS. But an example of what our little family (with a four and seven-year-old) has been doing to survive. I hope you can either commiserate with me or gain some value from what we’ve been doing to endure quarantine with kids amid Coronavirus.
A ‘Loose’ Daily Schedule has Helped
I feel like such an OCD freak right now writing this down, but, quite literally, the only thing that has saved us from going mad while social distancing is a daily schedule. Do we stick to it every day? Not a chance. But just having a reference point has made all of our lives more manageable at home. My daughter, who’s seven and in 2nd grade, goes to the schedule first thing and tells all of us what’s coming next in the morning. She’s been really committed to checking the clock versus the schedule every hour to see what's next in our day -- which is so cute! (**And also a wee bit annoying. 😜**)
Video Chats Work Wonders
One of the hardest things for me to witness in the last few weeks has been how depressed both of our kids have been because they cannot see their friends. The saving grace has been that we have started video-chatting with friends each week, as well as family. Their mood and energy are so much happier and optimistic after getting to see their friends -- even if it's just virtually seeing them.
Letter Writing has Opened a Door
It’s funny to think that just a month ago, our kids had no interest in writing a letter to anyone, and no idea what being or having a pen pal would be like. Why would they? In this time of ‘over-communication,’ we either text, call or see our friends and family in person...at least we did. But without a whole lot else to do, we’ve picked up the lost art of letter-writing in our household. And let me say, it has been so incredible to see our daughter and son embrace it so much. My seven-year-old, in particular, has been writing letters to her cousins, friends, and people in her class. Each day she waits for the mail-person to come with utter excitement and expectation to see who might have sent her a note. Her writing has also improved since we started this a few weeks ago...bonus points! It truly is the silver lining of our day. Waiting for the mail. Reading each note, and then responding to the person.
Even my son has gotten interested and has sent a few notes (with her dictation) to his pre-school friends. It’s truly magical to watch and be a part of this with them. (*Plus, it buys me at least 10 minutes of quiet time when she's in the throes of writing, addressing, and mailing. 💌👏)
Tire Em' Out with a Kids’ Workout on YouTube
Do you ever wonder where all the energy comes from? I swear by all of the powers that be out there, that no matter how many walks we do, playtime in the yard, random jumping jack sessions...the list goes on; our kids are still bouncing off the walls from dawn 'till dusk! Thank the Lord, I’ve found some workouts on YouTube that are totally kosher, and that keeps our kids preoccupied for at least 30-minutes. Having a four-year-old boy and a seven-year-old girl means they need and like different workouts and have different abilities. Here’s what we’ve been doing at least once a day. Seriously. This is keeping me from losing it, and allows me to get in work time while they are working out!
For my daughter - She LOVES the KidzBOP dance workouts, and they are free on YouTube! She usually gets through at least a 30-minute video. Which gives me that much time to work.
For my son - He’s super into any kind of superhero, and we found these short and sweet superhero workouts from Glen Higgins. I usually let him do two or three of the videos which are about 4-minutes each. You have to kind of pick and choose which ones work for your child, but the ones with superheroes are great for kids under five.
For both kids - The Cosmic Kids Yoga videos or Body Coach TV videos are great for both my four-year-old and seven-year-old.
Yes, TV Time is Critical Right Now
I wish I could say I am a better parent or person, but you know what? I can't, and frankly, I don't think that it's possible right now. This moment is about survival. If I have gained any lasting knowledge from the Coronavirus 2020 situation, it is this: We all just need to SURVIVE and SUPPORT each other right now. No judgment or hate.
Do we let our kids watch TV all day? Some days, the answer is yes. But I am honestly really proud of my husband and me for not allowing the TV to take over all day every day. We are doing our best, and that's all I can worry about at this moment. And, that being said, our kids are watching TV at least twice a day. And no, I do not feel bad about it.
We try to put on somewhat educational shows, but sometimes it’s like eff it. We just need a break, and they need a break, and we NEED to mindlessly watch our own show or movie. So that’s what we’re going to do. And that's what's saving us and getting us through.
Some of the quarantine-shows they've been watching on Netflix include, Magic School Bus reinvented, The ‘Who Was?’ show, Miraculous Tales of Ladybug Girl, Inspector Gadget, and True.
iPad Learning is a Critical Part of It
Thank goodness we have iPads! Our daughter is doing part of her schoolwork on your school-issued iPad. It's a requirement, not an option, and the time on her iPad is also helping us create variety in her day. Our son has been learning the Alphabet and beginning math on our home iPad. Again, no shame here. We do limit their device time to 20 - 30 minutes each day. And with how the world is evolving right now, I’m grateful for the chance to get our kids acclimated to working online.
This also creates a window for my husband and me to work without distraction. Win, win.
"Clean up, clean up, everybody everywhere!"
Yes, I just quoted a kids' song. This is where we're at folks!
I am a self-diagnosed clean freak. I’m proud of this. I do not want to change my OCD-need to have a clean and orderly home. But, the last few weeks have almost brought me to my knees. It feels like we are living in filth all the time. We’re together all the time, and there’s no escape! 😱
It was right around day-ten of self-quarantine that I implemented a daily ‘cleaning sprint.’ For 15-20 minutes, the kids and I race through the rooms of our little 3-bedroom house, picking up, straightening up, and vacuuming. It burns off some of their crazy energy and keeps me from going nuts. Plus, this daily activity is keeping everything so neat and tidy. (*breathes a sigh of relief 🤗)
Yard Time is the Best Time
Note: If you are dealing with being home, working, schooling, and staying sane without a yard, I simply bow down to you. 🙇 I cannot imagine how you are doing it. You are an incredible human and parent. 🙏
If you do have a yard, I sure hope you are using it to run off all of that steam your kids are building up throughout the day. The one downfall we’ve experienced is that because our yard is now our go-to for outside time, the kids keep getting hurt. It’s super scary, mainly because we cannot expect to reasonably get into a hospital right now unless it’s life or death.
To manage this, I’ve started making sure the kids have designated ‘recess times,’ and that we have a planned activity when we go outside. Some of the ones that are working for us include:
Playing hide and seek
Limbo
Freeze dance
Freeze tag
Outside workouts
Board Games Can Help with the Boredom 😉
It’s become a nightly tradition for us to play some kind of game at dinner time. After spending so much time with our kids all day, dinner can feel a little ominous, and for a few weeks, we were all acting like zombies at the dinner table.
Since we started playing a card or board game at dinner, the whole vibe has changed. We get excited. Laugh. And the time flies. A couple of our go-to’s have been Hedbanz, Sorry, and Go Fish.
Puzzles have also helped us get through the evenings, inside scavenger hunts, or hide and seek...and of course TV time.
Communication Makes it Work
This is a super confusing and stressful time - for us all. I am far from a perfect mother, and I beat myself up every day for the times I am not patient, or snap at the kids, or go into the bathroom to cry. I am not ashamed to admit it. I’m at the end of my rope.
The only thing that has helped the kids, my husband and me with the emotional strain this situation has put on us is to talk about it.
If I screw up throughout the day, I try to own it and apologize. If the kids get in a fight, which is happening every hour right now, we talk it through and apologize in the moment. We use dinner time to do this as well. The two things we discuss are prompts I ‘borrowed’ from a professional group I am a part of, and they include sharing your:
Roses - good feelings or moments from the day, and
Thorns - challenges or emotions of frustration from the day.
This practice has cleared the air many times over and allows us to be honest with ourselves and each other.
Meditation Helps the Energy-Level
Now, I'm not a really spiritual person. I don't think crystals or essential oils are going to heal us during this crisis, but I do know that meditation works. It is psychologically proven to work. And kids can really benefit from the practice of becoming mindful. Especially when nothing makes sense. We mediate a few times a week right now and use the kids' meditations available via the Calm app. Don't knock it 'till you try it! 🕉💖
I noticed a huge difference in our kid's moods and energy on the days we meditate, which helps them have a better day, I have a better day, and the work-from-home-thing go much more smoothly.
Switching Off to Have Work Time
My hubby and I are both still trying to work full-time jobs, keep our kids occupied, and help our kids complete schoolwork to keep them on track with their learning. On April 1, the state of Oregon converted to online school for all kids K-12, and we’re struggling to keep up with the school expectations, and the expectations of our jobs. That said, we’re incredibly lucky to already have flexible schedules. I already work from home. My husband can work from home as well.
But, the only way we have been able to make this new reality work is by switching off for work time each day. One of us is doing schoolwork or activities with the kids, while the other is working or on calls. It’s not pretty, folks, but this plan is working. As long as we stick to it. And it’s keeping us from using the TV as an absolute babysitter.
Without any assumptions or judgments, I hope this post brings you some inspiration and joy--or at least commiseration. We're all just muddling through this, and while I don't know your circumstance, I support and respect you!
Good luck with social distancing and quarantine, folks. Good luck to you and your family. Stay safe, healthy, and sane.
Xoxo
EM 💜
PS let me know what you've been doing to keep it all afloat in the comments, or by reaching out to me!
