How to Stay True to Yourself in the Face of Doubt
“Why?” I wrote in my journal recently, “is it so hard to stay committed and confident about the choices I make for my career, myself, and my family?”
It’s not that I don’t believe in myself, my choices, my career, my direction; it’s just that there’s so much noise and negativity out there. At times, I feel so much excitement and confidence. Those are the good days and good weeks. But then, something or “some things” can sway me, and suddenly I’m questioning my goals, core values, gut instinct, you name it.
Does this sound like you, too?
Fortunately, I have gained insight and knowledge over the years that help push me through these moments of doubt and allow me to stay true to myself in the face of uncertainty.
So, how do you stay true to yourself and your goals when you are blown off course?
Let’s start with defining the things that can cause your psyche to fall into a tailspin of self-doubt and go from there. Sound good? Good.
Negative Self Talk
Even the most positive person out there is guilty. It’s super easy to get sucked into a negative-thoughts spiral about yourself or the things you are trying to accomplish.
Lack of Support
You know the deal. Someone, or many someones, don’t understand, don’t believe in, or don’t care enough to give you the support you need in order to be successful.
Minimal Resources
If you lack the funds or time to pursue the next course of action, it can be a real show-stopper and leave you feeling discouraged and full of doubt.
Roadblocks
Sometimes, it can feel like one thing after another is going wrong. Maybe it’s a combination of a few of the things above, or maybe it’s just a general lack of movement forward or through.
Okay, there you go. A few of the ways staying true to yourself can be difficult at times. Now that we have those yucky things defined, let’s shake them off. Say goodbye to these life-path killers and move on!
Here’s how I handle the moments when I question myself and emerge stronger, more committed, and more confident in my choices
Get Honest with Yourself
There was a time, not long ago, when I totally lost my way. I lost my truth, my courage, my voice. For a while, it seemed okay, and I thought to myself, “Maybe I can just stay like this and pretend it’s all okay forever, and it will be okay.” But it wasn’t okay, and I wasn’t okay.
It took many difficult moments, but finally, I sat down and wrote out what was wrong with my life and the situation I had trapped myself within. Just writing it out gave me a form of clarity I had been lacking.
You can send yourself an email, write a pros and cons list, journal, create a vision board, whatever moves you to honestly look at how you are acting, and whether or not you are on a path that stays true to your core values and goals.
I really like this Self-Love Workbook from Megan Logan, MSW, LCSW, when I’m feeling lost, and need to recommit to myself.
Seek Feedback from Few (not many)
I know it can seem like the more insight you receive from the people around you, the better your decision making process will be. Untrue.
In fact, sometimes feedback from too many sources just leaves you feeling less certain, and more confused.
What’s worse, is when you’re trying to stay true to yourself and your goals, but the person providing the advice or “insight” is self interested, or uneducated in what you are dealing with.
I am sure you are nodding your head, because all of us deal with asking the wrong person for advice from time to time. But it’s more critical than ever to make sure you only seek advice from a few very-trusted people, whom you are sure have your best interests at heart during times of uncertainty, transition or difficult decision making.
Here’s a great article from Harvard Business Review on how asking for too much advice can backfire.
Take a Break to Clarify
Whether you can only get away for the day or a few hours to go for a hike, sit on the beach, or actually take a weekend to spend time with yourself regrouping and clarifying, do something that allows space, time, and maybe just a bit of uncomfortability (i.e., being alone), to seek out the root cause of why you have strayed from being true to yourself.
If you’re looking for a powerful way to clarify and recharge, check out this amazing Rest, Restore, and Rise program from life coach Jill Rose.
Re-Establish Your Core Values
Sometimes it happens so slowly you don’t realize how far you have strayed from your true path or true self until something shocking happens. Then, it all comes back to you. The ways in which you marginalized yourself, the choices you made that were not fully in tune with your core values but “didn’t seem like that big of a deal” at the time.
Each of us knows who we are at our core, who we are, what inspires us, and what feels right and good, and true. If you’ve lost this, staying true to yourself will be practically impossible because “you” are not being you.
Look at your situation and ask yourself the following questions:
What do I value most in my life (or my work or family)?
What do I stand for? And/or what legacy do I want to leave behind?
What experiences, trauma, or dysfunctions from my youth are affecting my decisions?
Is there one to two things I could start doing that would make a huge positive impact in my life?
What do I really want? Not what others want for or from me, but what would make me truly happy in myself.
Not to say that I’m an expert, but if you implement these tools, I promise you will move through this moment of self-doubt and regain your connection with yourself, and your core values.
The Hard Part
The hardest part, once you’re determined how you need to reestablish yourself and stay true to your path, is actually doing it.
Take it in baby steps, and take your time. If you flounder, start over, but whatever you do, don’t give up. You have something unique and amazing to offer yourself, your family, and the people around you. I know this because I know that each person is born with a light inside them that is meant to shine. But, over time, we squish that light down and minimize ourselves to fit a mold that doesn’t even exist. There’s no right way to be a woman, mother, wife, friend, daughter, or person. As long as you are yourself, and ultimately, if who you are is rooted in happiness, you will do great things in this world.